Evil junstyle. rated M/PG-17. [completed]

Rated M/PG-17.



A sexy evil voice says:

Because all good things must come in doubles.
Because all evilness need a voice to represent it.
Because I'm sick and tired of fluffy bubble-gum pop.
Because I can.
The other side of radio broadcasting.

This is the start of evil junstyle.
Cue: evil theme music.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

March 23, 2007. Saturday.

Hello fellow listeners, evil matsujun speaking to you live from the broadcasting studios at GWLLG radio station.
For all of you who are in the dark and want to see the light GWLLG stands for "guys who look like girls", what a sissy name, but what am I supposed to do? they're the only ones that would give me a job.
It seems my evilness isn't that much "in demand" this days.
Right, so, what am I doing here you ask? simple: I demand my voice to be heard, "the original" matsujun (or "him", as I like to call him) has a radio show? so should I. period.
Let's all throw to the trash "clean entertainment", it's crap and you know it, ok. so, maybe a little clean fun isn't soooo bad, I mean, one needs to have both extremes to enjoy the good life more, but let's not go overboard people!
I mean, let's begin with the most recent dramatical work of "him":
Three feking lip pecks and that's it? cause I would never in a million years call THAT kisses, you shame me matsujun, shame, any man that proudly can be called that would never have stood for that, I would have fought for my rights to french-kiss mao-chan, I would have fought for third base.
I happend to have read the manga, that doumyouji guy was alright in my book, violence and sex, that's what it's all about.
To illustrate my point, here's a song for you dear listeners.
Closer by Nine Inch Nails.

begin song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TChLjL8AXSg
end song.

Man, they kick ass! trent reznor, I bow down at your feet. By the way, NIN has a new album, just debuted, called Year Zero, let me tell you the story: So trent had been "leaving behind" this pendrives at his hotel rooms in his last tour with NIN ne, they contained year zero songs, but nobody knew, until the fans figured it out and went nuts, talk about good marketing techniques, if you hear some of the songs with the equalizer showing then a little something called "the presence" could be seen.
Of course, everyone that could get their unworthy hands on the pendrives uploaded the stuff on youtube and other various vid sites, then the pendrives left behind were more and more, some contained video previews of year zero and everything, the word "cool" could never be enough to describe it.
I can't wait to get my hands on the album.
I'll talk more about "the presence" and what it means to me on the next show.

Moving along with the program, my first e-mail comes from one of THE hottest women on earth, my good friend princess_jime, she and I... well... we're friends with rights, if you know what I mean, see, I don't usually do "relationships", that whole thing is for suckers anyway, but I make exceptions, cause some people in this world are too awesome to pass, she's one of them.
Princess_jime writes:

Dear evil jun-kun, congrats on the new show, I'll be listening eagerly every week, I hope yer gettin' paid good money though, cause you deserve it, and you still need to keep that promise you made me last night, otherwise there's no way in hell I can get the stuff, you know how much of a starving artist I am.
Always yours, jime.

Well baby, yes, I know you don't like me to call you that, but I will anyway... cause I'm evil. You see, I AM getting paid good money, how would I have started on this show otherwise?, money is the engine that keeps the world moving, plus I would never accept anything less of what "him" gets, so yeah, I'll get the stuff for you baby, just meet me at my place tonight, around 10 pm. I'll be waiting.
Getting personal there fellow listeners, sorry for that. If you want to know what "stuff" we're talking about, well, booya! you'll never get the info from me!

And since now my head is filled with thought of jime, here's a song dedicated to her, keeping with the NIN theme of my first radio show.
We're in this together, by Nine Inch nails.

begin song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1Zulx4mjHk
end song.

*Evil laugh* Mwahahahahahahahaha! yeah, that's as far as I can go with the "romantic" stuff. Which gets me back on the doumyouji issue, I'm still disappointed on how much the guy changed, he should have kept his wild beast side afloat, I mean, that's what made him interesting in the first place ne, the fact that he only became a wuss around makino and the F3, and was razor sharp with the rest of the world. My kinda guy if you ask me, well, see, it all comes back to the "clean entertainment" rant. We need to enlighten the young generations, not keep them in sealed pink fluffy cages! Damn it! *hits the desk*
And on that note, I'll be taking my leave, for now.

Cue: evil theme music.

I'll quote another hot woman I know and say farewell with: Unpleasant dreams everyone!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Contact evil matsujun at: the crazy fangirling forum. Just write your letter as reply on the corresponding thread. Maybe he'll get back to you.

Disclaimer: evil junstyle is a work of affectionate satire and should not be mistaken with the real thing. If you can't take the heat, get outta the kitchen.

Comments.

A sexy evil voice says:

Because all good things must come in doubles.
Because all evilness need a voice to represent it.
Because I'm sick and tired of fluffy bubble-gum pop.
Because I can.
The other side of radio broadcasting.

This is the start of evil junstyle.
Cue: evil theme music.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

April, 04, 2007. Wednesday.

Hello once again, and welcome to the second show of clone extraordinaire evil matsujun, e-jun speaking to you live from the miserable shabby booth the powers that be stuck me at on GWLLG radio station. My lousy producer (yees, that's you, you rotten tomato hiding behind the curtain, don't pretend it's not with you) has tried to advise me that I need to say my arigatous to the suits that gave me this job, one look at my knife collection put THAT to rest! *Mwahahahahaha*, I won't do it though, first because saying "thank you" to the man goes against everything I am and believe in, second, the suits didn't give me the show to be all sugary on air, they gave me "carte blanche" and I intend to take my chances. Right, so let's get in the mood now with a little song and dance.
This is hardcore, by Pulp.

begin song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ukcPaOu804
end song.

I was agreeably surprised when a quick search on the internet got me to see that I've made some fans, which will be tonight's show theme, and no, I will not get on the topic of all the fans "him" has at his disposal, I will only say this: give me time matsujun, give me time, I'll get my moment in the spotlight and that will be the end of you! My evil plans will come to a realization! *hits the mic*static noises*moment of silence* ahem! yes, well, you may be thinking what's all this to do with the song we just heard, right? let me explain: that delicate song which speaks to my very own evil heart is one of two that have been dedicated to me by one of my fans, albatrice aka trice, owner of the All Night Kinky bar, she wrote me a very endearing letter saying:

Whenever you want, wherever you want, in an evil style.

Atta girl, trice. A certain mutual friend of ours will give you the coordinates to the studio, I'm more than willing to let you "cum" on the air, but you gotta get here quick, otherwise the show will go on. See? how generous I am with my fans, I'll give you all of me, if you can handle it, come get it girls, I don't care if you're crazy, in fact, if you are, all the better, I like a little freak in my sweet cherry pies. God, I think it would even be a service to "him", stealing away all his harcore fangirl following... but I will sacrifice myself, that's how I am.
On with the subject at hand, another babe called skidmarks writes:
Dear evil matsujun,

I love how you b.i.t.c.h about "him" on your show and I'm right with ya, oh evil one.

........................................................I see you know where you stand, I like you already.

Geez. Whatever happened to the DoS Banchou we loved? Don't tell me some girl came along and exorcised it outta "him". Who does she think she is?! She took away the best part about "him" and left us with some fluffy thing with a colar that says "momo"! I'm sick of looking at "him" acting like a lovesick puppy! And the world is just as twisted for actually buying the whole lame act. Arrgh! I say we burn this girl on a stake and maybe that'll bring DoS back! *evil laugh*.

Well babe, you lost me there, you're confusing me with "him" and that's an offense I will not tolerate! As president of the evil clone association I cannot condone this kind of mistake! alright, there, there, don't cry, I forgive you, and I'll tell you this, that DoS banchou still exists, buried deep inside the idiot, I'm living proof because, see, the mad scientist woman that made me told me I'm the negative version of "him", by the way, keep
up the good work with that evil laugh, we need to spread the love.

Onto more fan letters, Drama-Holic Girl completely agrees with me on the french-kissing of mao-chan I talked about on my first show, she goes as far as suggesting I could have gone for a threesome with her and the shigeru actress. If I had been given the chance to play doumyouji, you bet your sweet ass DHG *does a shifty look*.
Beretonmyhead writes:

Dear evil Matsujun,
please tell us what you thought about Mao-chan's sense in fashion- awful, right?

Well, I'm not one to comment on women's clothes, I only get a distinct impression of boots and shorts when I think of mao-chan, and skin is always welcomed in my book. You also want to know what's the story behind my relationship with Arashi, that my friend, deserves a show all of its own, keep tuning in for it, it will come.
Now, Kytana writes:

Dear matsujun,
I watched you play a role in the movie, tokyo tower. did you enjoy seducing those women everyday even though it was an act... or was it real? i mean, you were really intense and seemed like you liked it a lot. also, i wanted to know if you're with inoue mao because you two seem really close. thank you very much!
sincerely, kytana.

Another lost soul that confuses me with "him", don't worry, I won't get mad with you either, but only because you've made me remember the good times I've spent at the All Night Kinky bar picking up women of all ages, I don't need to make a movie like Tokyo Tower, I live it. Am I "with" mao-chan? hell no, I don't do relationships of that kind, as I said in my first show. But I will take advantage of the fact that you people seem to think I'm "him" if I happen to run into mao-chan on the street, and believe me, she WILL remember the day she met evil matsujun.
Let's hear now the other song trice so kindly dedicated to *loud opening of doors*footsteps* What the hell? yo, tomato! go check what's tha...*the booth opens*
HI! Am I late? did I make it? I'm trice! *flustered*
Well... hello there, you are just in time my darling....this is:
Addicted, by Daan.

Begin song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wc9YimKc3xE
End song.

*huf*huf*long moan* huf*a female voice and a sexy evil male voice scream in unison*
YES! what a way to end my second show dear listeners, I hope you had a swell time, I know I did.

Cue: evil theme music.

This is evil matsujun saying good bye for now *hits the mic again*

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Contact evil matsujun at:
The crazy fangirling forum: just write your letter as reply on the corresponding thread. Or,
The love so sweet forum: same deal.
Maybe he'll get back to you.

Disclaimer: evil junstyle is a work of affectionate satire and should not be mistaken with the real thing. If you can't take the heat, get outta the kitchen.


Comments.

A sexy evil voice says:

Because all good things must come in doubles.
Because all evilness need a voice to represent it.
Because I'm sick and tired of fluffy bubble-gum pop.
Because I can.
The other side of radio broadcasting.

This is the start of evil junstyle.
Cue: evil theme music.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

April, 09. Monday.

Welcome back to the best radio show that ever graced to reach your ears, consider yourself lucky that you'll be hearing this pearls of wisdom, evil junstyle coming to you live from GWLLG studios, and your host boy, evil matsujun speaking. Dear listeners, I'll be ranting about some things today that may or may not contradict a few statements I've made in my previous shows, I don't care if consistency is what you're looking for, I'll just say whatever the hell I want, That's why I'm here in the first place.
The industry, man; The industry is evil, and not in the fun-loving uber cool way I am, but evil in the way it just won't let anyone enjoy themselves. Why do I say such a thing? simple: I can't stand the industry's ways of handling certain situations. Let's take Johnny Entertainment for example, I know, it's the company "him" belongs to, I should be glad that he's in a company with pain in the butt policies, whatever, my wanting to bitch about it has nothing to do with "him". JE's policies of not allowing sites and magazines to print the boy's pictures, What the fuck, J? You're not going to "protect" them with that lame-ass rule! They still appear in mags, the fans still share the pics of their beloved Idols, don't they?, the boys still cause scandals, because those are innate implications that come with being famous, and being famous is the back bone that holds together your company J! Half your boys don't have any real talent to begin with! Fuck!.
Yes, you'll tell me "but what about the crazy-assed fans"? like the ones that killed themselves with the whole Kimutaku getting married shit, well, to them, I dedicate this beautiful song:
The outsider, by A perfect Circle.

Begin song.
http://www.sendspace.com/file/5bu0cc
End song.

Yes, those fans need to get a life of their own, realized the entertaiment industry exists for that, entertain, nothing else, Idols don't hold the key to your personal happiness, they are people just like you and me, if they want to fuck, drink, curse, get married, date, get outta the industry, ruin their lives, go live on some mountain top like a monk, or become accountants, they have the right to do so! No amount of "don't print their pictures-don't show their pictures in official websites-don't let anyone know they're dating" is going to solve the crazy-assed fan's personal psychological issues. Anyway, we all know the REAL reason behind all this nonsense: money, power, wanting to control everyone like puppets for JE's own personal desires.... That should be me damnit!
I should be the one controlling! having the power! Fuck you Johnny!
The industry, it does all for the money, so no one else can do whatever they want, show their art, be real. An example of this is the next song you'll be hearing, a good song that showed the band's talent, what did the industry do with it? whored it around so much everyone got sick of it, that's what! You don't need to shove good music down people's throats so they'll buy it! but that's what happened in this case, I heard this song played everywhere so much I got sick of it, decided that this band was a pale copy of Travis instead of giving them a chance. I still think that, but anyway, I'll give them the benefit of doubt and play them. The song in question is:
Clocks, by Coldplay.

Begin song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJc8aiTQUD8
End song.

And now my last rant of the night, the industry getting in the way of us NIN fans worldwide. Remember how I told you about Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails fame directly leaving the new music to the fans on some pendrives so we all can get rid of the middle man? Well, it seems the industry has been sending "cease and desist" letters to all fans that have uploaded the stuff on their sites, or have been sharing them via P2P, just like the napster scandal. To the industry, a good Fuck you! is in order, the artist himself gave them away, being the generous person that he is, we all share it because that's what good fans do, you want to put in jail innocent NIN fans? you might as well put Trent in jail, sue everyone, sue the music itself for existing! Fuck you and your money-hungry ways! You don't care about licensed material, copyrights or any of that shit, you only care about making yourself a huge profit at the expense of the artists and the fans that guzzle up everything they can get.
I say fuck the industry.
I say share the music.
I say pirate everything.
First world right wing puritans always forget there exist in this world fans that simply DON'T have the money to buy original stuff and keep the capitalist world turning, third world people have a right to hear music too! Even if it's arashi's latest single! So to you, industry, this last song, in case you forgot who Mr. reznor is:
Head like a hole, by Nine Inch Nails.

Begin song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lzb-jYZrLE
End song.

Cue: evil theme music.

This has been evil-matsujun, sticking it to the man. See you next time.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Contact evil matsujun at:
The crazy fangirling forum: just write your letter as reply on the corresponding thread. Or,
The love so sweet forum: same deal.
Maybe he'll get back to you.

Disclaimer: evil junstyle is a work of affectionate satire and should not be mistaken with the real thing. If you can't take the heat, get outta the kitchen.

Comments.

A sexy evil voice says:

Because all good things must come in doubles.
Because all evilness need a voice to represent it.
Because I'm sick and tired of fluffy bubble-gum pop.
Because I can.
The other side of radio broadcasting.

This is the start of evil junstyle.
Cue: evil theme music.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

April, 23. Monday.

Hello There! welcome back to a new installment of the best radio show ever! Evil Junstyle is brought to you by ANK Bar, THE place to go for all your kinky needs and GWLLG radio station, the damn suckers that air this bundle of joy. And your host boy evil matsujun transmitting via satellite or web or however the hell this show reaches you.
Yes, I know, you've been wondering what happened to me last week, how come there was no show, well, lemme tell ya, it's been one CRAZY week! Here's the low down: you know that "him" is premiering a new show right? that by now has been aired and downloaded everywhere, probably. Well, what happened was... "him" being the idiot that he is cut himself whilst "practicing his onion-cutting technique", which I personally don't buy for a second, so the producers had to go out of their way to find a stand-in for the little princess cause he couldn't film certain scenes with his hand all cut.
Me, being the evil master mind that I am, had to take that chance for checking out enemy territory, so I went, auditioned, and of course they gave me the job, I still cannot for the life of me believe that they didn't notice HOW MUCH alike all this prime-cut meat is to "him", but whatever, people see what they wanna see anyway. So I'm there, ne, being all debonair, I'm cutting, slicing, picking up all the female cast, when they tell me that I'm
gonna get beaten up next? what the hell? my contract didn't say that! But I agreed, I wouldn't be a man if I wasn't able to take a beating every once in a while... unlike other people... so, when you see "him" all bruised and battered, don't feel sorry for him, cause that was ME! God damn it! and since we're talking about food-related things, here's the first song of this evening, you may have heard this on a certain episode of buffy the vampire slayer:
Sugar water, by Cibo matto.

Begin song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPJ9TS_5tAo
End song.

So, I'm standing there, ne, after all my scenes were done, and they invite me to the premiere's after-party, of course, I had to go.
I'm hoping to run into precious mao-chan, who's been looking yummier and yummier every week, but she's nowhere to be found... I'm a little disappointed cause she's rumored to be a certain special item for "him" and I wanna leave my mark there, but since she wasn't there, well, let's just say she got outta the straw house before I came blowing. I'll get her next time. By then I needed some sexual healing, my animal instinct was growling and it needed a forest to prowl. So, I'm sniffing around, lurking, browsing, checking out the merchandise, and I make my moves.
Of course, they worked like a charm, and I've got all the celebrity and non-celebrity produce I can chew... for a week... since you can't see me... I'm winking at the "week" thing. So there, that's what I've been doing all week.
Rampage after rampage, party after party, I was left with little to none breath for a radio show. Irresponsible? Disrespectful to my listeners? yes and yes. That's me. Unapologetic and wild.
During the week, I met some interesting people that tickled my noodle, some made me laugh, some made me cry, some made me soft and hard at the same time. The next artist you're going to hear was in Japan once before, filming a video of hers, she's one of those interesting types I met, of whom I may or may not talk about on another show, this song though, is not the one from that video, but one closer to how I like my chickens: raw, with lots of salt and lemon.
Limon y sal, by Julieta Venegas.

Begin song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQhy3CITqIY
End song.

There you go P_J, you can't accuse me now of being a misogynist pig that only plays macho songs in his show with no respect for the female artists out there. Happy now? satisfied? you have to go to our rendezvous now. You promised.
And since we're talking about P_J, I got an e-mail from another milk maid fan of mine,Aliyah writes:

Dear Evil Matsujun;are you a Maotsujun shipper?
Please tell us (in details) the next time you'll meet Mao
Evil Matsujun,you're so hot and I 'm so jealous of princess_jime.

Don't be jealous baby, there's plenty to go around for all, I see you left me your home address... well... let me advise you now, leave a window open tonight if you don't want the glass to break... I'm paying you a little visit... I'll huff and puff, and blow all your clothes off! Ahh... yes, dear fans, I'm loving this part of going into the entertainment industry. The only pink I can stand is a young maiden's first blush. And about mao-chan, well, I think I've explained myself good enough on this show, hehehehehe. If I get my paws on mao-chan, you'll all hear about it. Well, we're coming to and end now, and here's a little moronic challenge for you: I've been leaving little hints all throughout the show. The bambino after-party was a costume party, and I dressed as... guess.
Here's another clue.
Du riechst so gut, by Rammstein.

Begin song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nXsKWi9FIjY
End song.

If you don't get it by now, you don't deserve to be called an evil-jun fan.
I was a big, bad wolf.
And now, I'll be leaving you, but not before you stroke my tail. Go on, you know you want to. It's long and massive but don't be afraid, it doesn't bite, I do.

Cue: evil theme music.

Bye bye for now. Aoooooooooooooooooooo! *howling*

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Contact evil matsujun at:
The crazy fangirling forum: just write your letter as reply on the corresponding thread. Or,
The love so sweet forum: same deal.
Maybe he'll get back to you.

Disclaimer: evil junstyle is a work of affectionate satire and should not be mistaken with the real thing. If you can't take the heat, get outta the kitchen.

Comments.

A sexy evil voice says:

Because all good things must come in doubles.
Because all evilness need a voice to represent it.
Because I'm sick and tired of fluffy bubble-gum pop.
Because I can.
The other side of radio broadcasting.

This is the start of evil junstyle.
Cue: evil theme music.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

April 30, 2007. Monday.

Hello my darlings, another night has arrived, and here I am with another radio show for your listening pleasure.
The GWLLG suits are gone for the time being, I sent them to ANK Bar, where they have indulged in their hidden desires and are now incapable of picking up their own souls, why? so I can get them off my back for not delivering a show that week I went MIA, and because I don't want any traceable official trace of my shameful falling off grace tonight. So, it's just little old me, tomato my producer (the quivering bag of rotten jell-o behind the control board) and you. We are aaaaall alone. And what is the line-up for today's show? I can't believe this is going to come out of my mouth... here goes nothing: Boybands. *cough-about to puke sound-cough*
Yes, boybands. I'm alone with my listeners... and we are going to talk about boybands.
The world has come to an end. Pack your bags because hell just froze over.
*Sighs* What possessed me to talk about such an unholy subject as this? a promise made to Beretonmyhead to talk about my relation with Arashi, in case I have one...
Note to self: never make a promise ever again.
Arashi, what a waste for a good name, if you consider a storm a rainbow of fluffy cotton clouds, falling pink hearts and the corniest of lyrics, then you don't know what a storm is. Luckily, I actually don't have a relation with arashi, they don't know I exist. But I have been near them, I know their habits and where they live, it's all valuable information for my evil master plan. So I can give you my opinions of them. Take their latest music video, for the song "We can make it", opening theme of Bambino (secretly starring yours truly), an uplifting song about overcoming life obstacles... I forced myself to watch that video, talk about shameful suicide attempts! Thank the evil forces and their hellish crusades that I didn't die and none of my friends got to see what I watched while the life drained outta me... *sighs* well, since this subject is hurting my evil soul, I might as well get on with it with the help of some fan e-mails. Yamapiggy wrote to me:

Yo evil matusjun, I'm not really a fan of you or "him" but i am a fan of your evil radio show! hilarious, man!

I live to entertain, my little sausage. Glad you like it.

I just watched the new pv of "his" group and well i must say it is soooooo fruity. hahahahaha! so i was wondering have you ever replaced "him" in one of their videos ever? coz maybe "he's" busy crying in a corner or whatever so you had to fill in for "him". if so what video, and was it okay for you to act so bright and happy and gay? imagining it... ROFL!!!

Fruity, yes, that's the word I was looking for... you're right on the spot there. BUT, I will never lower myself with replacing "him" in any arashi videos, I would sooner throw myself down a razor slide and land inside a pool of chlorine, I would work 23 hours a day in a Mcdonald's and eat the remains left by costumers in the dumpster, not even if my evil master plan to bring "him" down depended on it. And this is were I come clean, dear listeners, my kriptonite is... arashi videos.
Come on, even they themselves know... just watch the badly covered painful expression nino makes in his solos, those rolling eyes tell everything, he can't even lipsynch properly. See the bored expression on aiba's face, watch sho's vain attempt to cover his ears to that awful rap solo he did. Watch them make a glorified Loser hand signal at the end of the video, I'm guessing that's their way of giving Johnny the finger. Even "him", for crying out loud! his bad lipsyching matched his off-rhythm dance moves! They were clearly uncomfortable in those mock pirate costumes, and let's not go into the art direction of the vid... cause THEN I will really get upset and that will not be a pretty sound for your ears. You want to hear what a real boyband should sound like? here's a good example:
Get in the ring, by Guns and Roses.

Begin song.
http://www.sendspace.com/file/wgt4tr
End song.

Good old guns and fucking roses, arashi probably wishes they could speak as freely... but it takes guts man, it takes balls and true belief in your art, your craft, the product you put out. Arashi are so manufactured they know that by themselves they would not have the fame they have, they need the Johnny machine like a whore needs her pimp. That's why they're branching out, nino has his acting career, ohno has his dabling into the fine arts, aiba has his tv gigs, "him" has his dramas, and sho, his newscaster job? Bwahahahahahahaha!!!! newscaster! come on! the guy is screaming to get out of the business! He's a smart fella, he knows he's getting too old to rap... rap about what? he has no street credit anyway, that little rap he did in "we can make it"... sounded like a pre-schooler learning that certain words sound alike, besides, no one even bothered to tell him that it's not cool to call your fans "ho" (as in that "yo, ho, go, go, go" thing he did), well, actually, I kinda like that he called everyone listening a ho... If he did that on purpose, then he's got more spine than I'm giving him credit for...

Anyway, see, I have no respect for bands that don't play their instruments, that don't write their stuff, that don't fight to get their art out there... arashi, sorry, but you shame me, just as much as "him" shames me. Now, another e-mail, Kytana writes:

Dear Evil MatsuJun,
I have to say I'm jealous that princess_jime takes up your time. Anyways, do you think you could talk to Sho to come over to my place because he's just as yummy as you are so I can have my own action? hehe Don't worry! I still think you're hot.

Oh boy, no, P_J doesn't take my time, we're just friends with benefits... I think I'm giving the wrong impression here because I talk about her from time to time, I'm definitely NOT the relationship type. A few hours of mutual fun is all I can give to a woman. P_J and I have other things that bind us besides the sex, and it's just friendship, we believe in the same things, we belong in the same groups, that's all. So, kytana, you want me to get you together with sho... that's going to be impossible for me, sorry babe, I understand your need to sex him up, any young healthy beautiful girl would, but come on, you're asking me? in my show? I can give you all that he can't babe, and much more! just come to the dark side with me! I guarantee you'll have more fun!
So yes, boybands, I've been told they have existed for decades, they never seem to go out of style, form Menudo to NewS, all over the world, the need for looking at what some people call "bishounen" make a fool out of themselves is universal. Doesn't really matter if the music is good, just as long as they look the part and give fan service, scandals and drama are always good, just look at Kat-Tun: cat-fights, drunken expatriates, homoerotic innuendo (actually, I don't have a problem with that last one, if it's done in a cool way... but all the efforts I've seen in boyband marketing are pathetic to say the least, in other words, they look cheap). Arashi, supposedly, don't fight because they're like a real brotherhood, a real family, yeah right!... what family doesn't fight? even in that they are boring.
The outcome of all this boyband nonsense? the fangirls grow out of that life-phase, some even see the light and feel ashamed to even accept publicly that they liked boybands. And the boys themselves? only a few make it in the industry after the boyband breaks up, Robby Williams, Ricky Martin... but even they have screw-up lives, maybe the guys that completely cut themselves off the whole boyband thing achieve a resemblance of a life... I don't know.
Now, boybands in Japan are another thing, because the japanese seem to have a certain kinky pleasure in bishounen, they worship their Idols to an incredible point.
Only Idols that have the same amount of kinkiness can be true Idols, in my opinion. Guys like me, who are comfortable only with the spotlight on them, who are not afraid of anything, who can kiss anything with a mouth in front of them and make it look cool.
In fact, I should make my own boyband.
I've heard rumors of Yoshiki, of X-japan fame, wanting to form a new band with Hyde, Gackt and Miyavi, I can be the other member yo! I don't mind Gackt's delusional megalomania, of the fact that Miyavi looks like this lesbian friend I have, We'd be the perfect match! There's a boyband worthy of your time!
My personal musical tastes and abilities would bring the band to a whole new level never seen before in Japan's music history. And since I respect these people, here's a sample of Gackt's genius:
Redemption, by Gackt.

Begin song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUlbUnLrcQM
End song.

*sighs* Yes... boybands... boybands are God's way of punishing us while we're on earth. The devil could never in a million years create something so horrible... but Alas! we shall overcome, we shall rise, we shall be stronger, we shall walk with our faces high and not succumb to the suffocating cotton candy clouds of happy beats and insipid lyrics.
We can make it.

Cue: evil theme music.

This has been evil matsujun, excuse me while I go tend my wounds with some S&M... see you when I see you.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Contact evil matsujun at:
The crazy fangirling forum: just write your letter as reply on the corresponding thread. Or,
The love so sweet forum: same deal.
Maybe he'll get back to you.

Disclaimer: evil junstyle is a work of affectionate satire and should not be mistaken with the real thing. If you can't take the heat, get outta the kitchen.


Comments.

A sexy evil voice says:

Because all good things must come in doubles.
Because all evilness need a voice to represent it.
Because I'm sick and tired of fluffy bubble-gum pop.
Because I can.
The other side of radio broadcasting.

This is the start of evil junstyle.
Cue: evil theme music.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
May 07, 2007. Monday.

Chicks man.
Can't live with them, can't live without them.
Evil matsujun speaking to you from a special improvised cabin Tomato made here in the bedroom prison I'm in. Yes, I'm not at GWLLG studios. That's why this show is being recorded and will air after the incidents I will describe in this show, or whenever it airs. I don't really care.
Women are treacherous and deceitful. After last show's boyband soul erosion, I was in need of some fun, so I went out to get me some. Lo and behold, I'm walking down the street when a black van screeches near me, and I'm kidnapped.
I'm blindfolded. The smell of leather is intoxicatingly sweet. Normally this would be an ideal situation, only my captors kept teasing me by throwing onions at me, which of course reminded me of "him" therefore all the fun I may have felt was out the window.
I'm brought to a secret underground place, where my captors handcuff me to a pillar.
"Him" is also there, looking more scared than a lamb in a slaughter house.
Then, out of the shadows, a group of hot girls gather around and form a circle. Mao-chan is there, and I get a kick out of "him"'s facial expression of hurt and... a little bit of a sly smile? Well, it's not surprising really, my kinkiness had to come from somewhere...
Suddenly, out comes P_J, and on the other side, Trice. I find out they formed some sort of fight-club for crazy fangirls and "him" and I are to be the prize for the first fight.
P_J, you traitor.
Women can be scary. Normally, when S&M-ing, I like to be the master, but the members of H-club (that's the name of the fight-club) decided that I needed to be taught how to be the slave for once. So here I am. At the mercy of P_J, who won the first fight, and she's been making "him" and I do stuff I didn't know I could do. It's been an awakening, but a torture too, because I'm not one to give the control to someone else.
Since I don't have much time to talk, and it's kind of difficult with this muzzle on, here's the first song for you, a woman the scares me, but also in the good way.
Violet, by Hole.

Begin song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xY-jGy2gf9U
End song.

I heard some discussion and saw that P_J decided to give mao-chan two days with "him" out of the week we're supposed to be her slaves, because she likes mao-chan, and some of the H-club members were not happy. It so happened that those two days were the days "him" was supposed to have his osaka arashi concert or something? and mao-chan had her book-signing... Whatever. In the situation I'm in, I couldn't care less about those two.
Tomato has smuggled two e-mails for me to respond to, so here they are, Aliyah writes:

Dear Evil Matsujun,
My window has been open night and day, but no sign of you.
I'm sure you were "busy" with princess_jime, both of you have that special "thing".
I was surprised that "him" looked so hot in that fighting scene in Bambino,but it was you !
Evil Matsujun you're so hooooot

Baby, I did go! we had the time of our lives! I guess all that banging against the bedpost gave you temporary amnesia. P_J has got me for the week though, so I'm not gonna be able to go make up for your lost memories any time soon. I see you thought I was hot in Bambino, just like Drama-holic girl, I'm glad some fans appreciate my acting endevours. Now, fi0naLee writes:
evil matsujun,

i think you're hotter than "him". the darker side is kinda hot although i have to say that i'm still not used to all the profanity. what the heck, you're being yourself! this definitely sets you apart from "him".

Babe, you ain't seen nothing yet. I AM hotter than "him", it's just my nature, and I'm more dangerous, I have what he lacks, the edge, the masculinity, the force, the unbashful sex-appeal that a real man should have. I'm like a James Bond to his Maxwell Smart, like a power drill to his screw driver. I'm a five stars course meal of haute cuisine to his cup-o-noodles. And you are right in liking me, that's the way it should be, precious.

since you seem to be more opinionated and outspoken than "him", can you please give me your opinion on two things? do you think they (mao and "him") should have been more honest with their feelings towards one another instead of leaving us fans guessing what their current relationship is? also, "him" being a johnny talent, should "he" worry about his idol status or fight for his love? i know you already expressed your desire to french kiss mao but i just want to know what you think of this.. well, if you were in "his" shoes... your thoughts are greatly appreciated.

thanks,

Well, well, after the incidents I've experienced, I don't have any doubt in my mind about the kind of relationship "him" and mao-chan have... hehehehehe... But I guess it would be difficult for fans out there to find out about it, so that's why I'm telling it all here! I want to see this in newspaper headlines everywhere! I want scandal! I want to see "him" screwed by the media! Mwahahahahahahaha!!!! One step closer to his destruction! Yes, matsujun, acknowledge it, tell the world about mao-chan, and all the other women that got you by the balls, how they chain you to their beds and make you crawl around them like a dog! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahaha....*cough* sigh* yeahh.... I'm enjoying this very much.
Anyway, here's another woman that scares me, she's incredibly weird but fascinating in her own special way.
Precious things, by Tori Amos.

Begin song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLL6ON18vGI
End song.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
So a week has passed and I'm free again, here to finish this episode of my radio show, all this recording and live coverage and more recording and airing in different days and dates may be confusing but don't worry, it's all good in the end. I now have a different opinion on women, I used to think I knew... but really, there's no knowing what goes on in their minds... All I know is... I still can make them cum and rock their world like no one else can. And that's all I need, that's all any guys needs really. This week has left me some new knowledge about bondage that will come in handy in the future. And as a last song, one that I feel could be my anthem, if I was a girl. Yes, it's written by men and sang by a woman, whatever, I think it embodies me as I am right now.
My curse, by Afghan Whigs (sung by Marcy Mays).

Begin song.
http://www.sendspace.com/file/t6294j
End song.

*Singing* zip me down... kiss me there... I can smile now... you won't find out... ever!
Damn, it's been one crazy thing after the other... I fucking love my life.

Cue: evil theme music.

Stay tuned for more evilness, brought to you by e-jun at your service, the ANK bar, and GWLLG radio.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Contact evil matsujun at:
The crazy fangirling forum: just write your letter as reply on the corresponding thread. Or,
The love so sweet forum: same deal.
Maybe he'll get back to you.

Disclaimer: evil junstyle is a work of affectionate satire and should not be mistaken with the real thing. If you can't take the heat, get outta the kitchen.

Comments.

A sexy evil voice says:

Because all good things must come in doubles.
Because all evilness need a voice to represent it.
Because I'm sick and tired of fluffy bubble-gum pop.
Because I can.
The other side of radio broadcasting.

This is the start of evil junstyle.
Cue: evil theme music.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

May 14 , 2007. Monday.


Here I am. Open your ears to enlightenment. Evil matsujun coming at ya from GWLLG studios, sponsored by ANK Bar. What is evil? what constitutes evil? who says what is evil and what is not? why is evil-jun getting so philosophical? Kytana wrote to me an e-mail saying:

Dear Evil MatsuJun,
Thank you for the invitation on joining you! I will probably go to the dark side w/ you. I'm curious, though. What made you become evil? I know 'he' can't have any type of influence on you...

That prompted me to question things, about my nature, about the world, yes folks, tonight's show will not be the usual joyride you're all accustomed, tonight I shall go deep, I shall poke around philosophical matters and look for the ultimate answer. To quote a certain musical based on a book I read once: "are people born wicked? or do they have wickedness thrust upon them?" Was I born evil? or did I turn evil because of the circumstances? My case is pretty simple compared to others, I was born "defective" according to the scientist that made me. I am a clone. Therefore I was NOT born out of a mother and a father. I was conceived by a machine. The first time I opened my eyes, I was fully grown, and while I looked at those two lab assistants, ready to pounce on me, I killed them. Some will say: but you had no reason to do that! I say it was my survival instinct. I was an animal and had to defend myself. In the mist of the chaos that was my mind in those few first moments of existence, I was inside a place that was burning down. I found out that fire did not harm me. The memories of that one of which I am a copy came rushing inside me like a landslide, I knew what he knew. And so it was then that I came to the realization that I was, in a way, better than humans. But my greatness was shadowed by "him". I wanted what everyone wants in life, I wanted to be recognized. The only logical step after that is... what else but to become one? original and unique? and in order to achieve my goal, I had to get rid of "him". There you go. It's as simple as that. My reason for bringing "him" down, is pure selfish egoism.
So, is being egocentric good or bad? depends on who you're asking. It's good for the person being egocentric, it's probably bad for everyone else. But what about the circumnstances? is a woman victim of domestic violence bad for being egocentric and thinking of herself in order to get out of that dangerous situation? Society says no in that case. A woman that is unhappy in her marriage and leaves her husband for another guy is considered selfish though. Both are unhappy women looking for release, why is one pardoned and not the other? Society's rules. Basic moral general and individual guidelines dictated by powerful institutions that are in control of society so as to keep order. The human being is fated to be a slave of morality. Either you are moral or immoral, human beings cannot be amoral because human beings cannot live without deciding and assuming responsibilities.
What does that leave for me? immorality is my path, I dictate my way of living by rebelling against what is considered good and wholesome, all that "him" represents.
Firestarter, by The Prodigy.

Begin song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQKaJa4phWQ
End song.

There is a truth that is universal, all human beings look for happiness. That desire makes us work for money, prestige, we crave for power, fame and love, some escape the banality of everyday life and look for an ideal and God. Others go as far as going on a mea culpa path and through self mutilation hope for gaining the coveted peace of mind. But happiness is a subjective matter. What is considered good for some may be bad for others, therein lies the problem. Morality tells us that drugs and alcohol, porn, perversions and sex orgies are not the right path because they are not true happiness, but what is the truth? the grass in not green in itself, it's just that the human eye looks at it that way, to a dog, the grass is not green. So, is everything in life subjective, it's all an illusion? doesn't really matter to me. I am an hedonist. I live for the pleasure. I seek my personal happiness in matters of the flesh, because there is no established life rule for clones like me, and I plan to take full advantage of that fact. I carpe diem, my way, the evil way. Some jun fans may rejoice in thinking that all this dionysiac hunt might make me forget about my personal quest of becoming unique. Fear not my beauties, fixing the "him" problem is still my number one priority. If I seem to veer from my main goal just remember that things are never what they appear to be.
Where the wild roses grow, Nick Cave feat. Kylie Minogue.

Begin song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIMxNLl8RNs
End song.

Another e-mail comes from Aliyah, she writes:

So you are ignoring me now? Do you want me to become evil? I can be very bad,I wouldn't mind saying very bad things! How about reminding you that you are just a poor COPY of "him". Ouch, that did hurt,ne? You are right about one thing, It's so good to be evil...

I hope that by explaining my side of the story my fans will come to understand me. I am better than human beings, I follow my own rules... ali dear, you can forget about my coming to make some new memories for you now! mwhahaha! I'm a poor copy of "him"? don't make me laugh girl, I get wrinkles. But I like the attitude, keep it up and you may be taken off my black book. You also wanted to know my opinion on hardcore fans... I refer you to take a look at the transcript of my second show, I know it's available somewhere on the internet, anyway, to sum it up: hardcore jun fans: come to me, I'll be your God. Hell, I'll make them my special army, we could take over the world.
The end has come my dear listeners, if I bored you with my psycho-mumbo jumbo, well, tough shit.
I will come back next week with a surprise for a very special fan of mine. It's going to be a trip.

Cue: evil theme music.

I'll see you when I see you. I'm off to do more evilness. Ciao.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Contact evil matsujun at:
The crazy fangirling forum: just write your letter as reply on the corresponding thread. Or,
The love so sweet forum: same deal.
Maybe he'll get back to you.

Disclaimer: evil junstyle is a work of affectionate satire and should not be mistaken with the real thing. If you can't take the heat, get outta the kitchen.

Comments.

A sexy evil voice says:

Because all good things must come in doubles.
Because all evilness need a voice to represent it.
Because I'm sick and tired of fluffy bubble-gum pop.
Because I can.
The other side of radio broadcasting.

This is the start of evil junstyle.
Cue: evil theme music.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

May 21, 2007. Monday.

So you've come again for more huh? you do right. Welcome back to another edition of the evilest radio show on air ever, right here on GWLLG radio, sponsored by ANK bar. I've noticed most of my shows end up airing on monday night, weird, because like the song: "I don't like Mondays". Whatever.
Tonight, even though I have a special surprise for a special someone, is going to be a boring show for me, blame it on "him". Nothing juicy is going on with his life right now, so there's not much movement on mine as well. Damn you matsujun. One of these days man, on of these days. *punches the table*. But let's get on with the show shall we? You guys remember how I've said on a previous show that I'd like to be a member of a certain new band that is rumored to be formed right? well *evil soft laugh* they approached me. Yes, they approached me, so I ended up being designated the band's "behind the curtains" manager, because I excel at evil-planing, but, why aren't you IN the band you ask? well, that's another thing you can blame "him" for, my singing voice is for shit.
Anyway, yes, the special surprise, yo, tomato, you got him? (tomato: yeeees massster) great. *ringing sound* it's ringing *picks up the phone* moshi mooosh. *another guy is on the other end of the line, let's call him M*. (M: yo e-jun sama) zzup M? you got there fine? (M: yeah, they gave me a little trouble in customs but other than that it's all good) cool, so, you're in the hotel room I got for ya? (M: hai hai) great, now let's get to business, there's a package under the bed, those are the props you're going to need. (M: lemme check... got it) there should be a rubber chicken (M: hai) some ties (M: hai) two bottles of 100 cc of lubricant (M: hai) a pair of binoculars (M: hai) some rope and a special arrow (M: hai) and a ninja costume (M: hai, it's all here) well then, I'm sending you the map as we speak, check your palm pilot (M: got it) right, go do your job then (M: I'm on my way). Yes, dear listeners, I have a special guest tonight. Let's hear on of his songs now.
Rock no Gyakushu, by Miyavi.

Begin song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HycCmPyr98c
End song.

Yes, it's Miyavi, I got to meet him as well as the other band members, they do my bidding now cause I'm their manager. Now, the reason why I invited M to guest star on my show. Dear Drama-holic Girl, one of my precious die-hard fans, is currently having a hard time, all with the studying, the not having money, and the obsessing about a comment I made of M looking like a lesbian punk girl that got her thinking he's gay or something. She wrote to me a desperate pleading e mail saying:

E-JUN-KUN: WHY DO I ALWAYS SEND U COMMENTS AND WAIT FOR U EVERY NIGHT AND U NEVER COME???? (I can assure you I don't have any memory loss.. so don't play that card cuz it doesn't work.... )
and another thing.....I'M YOUR GREAT FAN TOO...YOU'RE REALLY HOT AND SEXY...(and your voice .... and I stop here...) but... MIYAVI IS NOT GAY!!!!! at least I hope so could you please see if he's gay or not......(pliz tell me he's not gay or i'll die...) i mean you're really hot but.....c'mon you'll agree with me when I said I can just stay home and wait for you to gimme that hour of two a week... pliz try to answer if you can.... always waiting for you in my best bed outfit... DHG.

Poor, poor little sausage, I hear your pain baby. But since I can't go to you right now because of work issues, I've sent you the next best thing, I know you're depressed because you can't go to Miyavi's concert in germany, and I personally believe it's good for the band if its members travel abroad every once in a while. So, I've sent him to Italy, if everything goes according to plan, he should be on his way to your place as we speak. I've taught him all my special seducing techniques because I found he was lacking on that department. Not because he's gay, he's not, but because he's still a little "green" so to speak, he doesn't have the experience I have when it comes to women.
*ringing sound* here he is again, mosh (M: *a dog barks in the distance* e-jun sama! I'm right outside her place! I'm really excited! Italy is beautiful!) great, now, her window is the one on the left, you see it? (M: hai!... ooh!) what? (M: there she is... she's... gorgeous...wow! and that negligee is... so hot it should be against the law or something) you lucky bastard, anyway, yes, take the arrow and the rope, you know what to do (M: hai!) he hung up... I guess he's really going to enjoy this, I know you will DHG, hehehehe. Another song of his:
Señor, señora, señorita, by Miyavi.

Begin song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4Zt2-jTAXQ
End song.

take the pancetta and add it to the onions, cook until lightly golden... right. (tomato: we're on the air masssster) Ahem! hey there! you're wondering what I'm reading and I'll tell you, my working issues that have prevented me from going to italy, I have to learn how to cook italian cuisine, I should have read the fine print on that contract I signed to be fucking matsujun's stand-in on Bambino!, a slip that WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN, believe you me. It's idiotic that I have to stay in japan in order to learn though, what better place than italy to learn, but there's no understanding how japanese TV executives think. So I've been slaving away in the kitchen, ne, and I can't give my food to P_J to taste because, well, we've come apart for a while, ne, I was mad at her for what she did to me in H-club...of which I'm not supposed to talk about according to the first and second rule, and she in turn got mad at me and left. We're both too proud to apologize and that's that...*ringing sound* here's special guest star Miyavi again, yo! (M: hello again e-jun sama, I've called one last time to tell you... thank you) you're welcome my friend, but please give me a play by play of what's happened (M: well, I climbed her window, she had just fallen asleep, she looked so cute sleeping among her books you can't even imagine, anyway, I got closer and caressed her face, she woke up and looked at me with those big beautiful eyes and asked me if it was a dream, I towered over her, leaning in for a deep kiss, when my tongue was satisfied I said to her "it's not" and then I did what you told me, I can't thank you enough e-jun sama!) Hahaha! sounds like success was achieved! (M: completely! um, listen, I'm gonna be staying here for a week, if you could be so kind as to tell my family, friends and company?) You got it pal (M: and *a girl voice is heard* DHG: evil-jun kun? thank you *starts to weep lightly* M: don't cry my love, come here, let me comfort you...ahem! yes, the phone, hello? e-jun sama... I know I sound like a broken record, but again, thank you, I think I've found the love of my life) really? (M: yes, and now, my queen calls for me and I must obey, good night!) Jaa!, well, I'm glad that worked out... the last song of tonight's show:
Kimi ni negai wo, by Miyavi.

Begin song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFX34kMFayw
End song.

Mmm... that love business is starting to worry me, it's not good for the young ones to submit to the old ball and chain so quickly, I'm gonna have to have a serious talk with M when he comes back.

Cue: evil theme music.

This has been evil matsujun, see you next week, maybe I'll learn how to make devil's food cake. It's more appropriate for me. Jaa ne.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Contact evil matsujun at:
The crazy fangirling forum: just write your letter as reply on the corresponding thread. Or,
The love so sweet forum: same deal.
Maybe he'll get back to you.

Disclaimer: evil junstyle is a work of affectionate satire and should not be mistaken with the real thing. If you can't take the heat, get outta the kitchen.

Comments.

A sexy evil voice says:

Because all good things must come in doubles.
Because all evilness need a voice to represent it.
Because I'm sick and tired of fluffy bubble-gum pop.
Because I can.
The other side of radio broadcasting.

This is the start of evil junstyle.
Cue: evil theme music.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

May 31, 2007. Thursday.

What's up my bitches, evil-matsujun speaks to you, courtesy of GWLLG radio and ANK bar, making your dirty dreams come true. I have no specific theme or topic for tonight's show, so I've decided to make it like a magazine interview and so it will be "A day in the life of Evil-Matsumoto Jun", I want my fans to feel closer to me.
My day begins at 11:30 am, I'm an early riser don't you think? well, what would you expect after a splendid night of debauchery and perversion, which is every night for yours truly? Mwahahahahaha! anyway, I get up, I take a shower and come out smelling like the God I am. My style of clothing, one could say, is a mix of Hilfiger and Comme des Garçons with a bit of Galliano thrown in for fun. I ride my own car, no subway or bus for me, that's for peasants.
Everyday I have to stock up on my alcohol and other various goods, I run out of stuff every night.
Then my many activities occupy most of my daylight hours. Breafings of every kind so to speak, meetings, reunions, etc... I am after all president of the evil clone association, by the way: evil-yamapi, if you're listening, bring the ice cream out the back, I'll have someone receive it at the club's back entrance. I also have manager obligations with the band (SKIN is the name we're toying with for the time being), and my own personal errants, my evil plans take time and work people! there's lots of things to do, to get, to win over, to manipulate, to seduce, to rip apart, etc.
The Kill, by 30 Seconds from Mars.

Begin song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qF1wZQzpeKA
End song.

Dawn is lately passing by for me at the set of Bambino!, I have to be on-hand for whatever they want, damn them. While "him" gets his scenes done, I've been using the kitchens to practice my cooking, mostly sweets though, I've found I'm a natural when it comes to pasta so I don't need to practice making it that much, anyway, I've learned to make a mean torta di cacao d'italia, but my best is Devil's food cake. I also have to be constantly on the look out for JE spies, man, do they keep a close watch on their boywhores! as you can guess, it's not to my advantage to let the old fart (johnny) know of my existence. But for most of my stay at the set, I waste my time, so I make calls, and use my laptop to go online. Yesterday I did a cute little quiz to know what kind of villain I am, here's what I got:
You are seshoo maru: You are a cold and spiteful villain. You're arrogant and feel everyone is beneath you. Though you may look calm on the outside, you have a horrid temper. That means everyone is afraid of you, because they don't know when you're going to explode until you already have. You rarely ever show emotion and you get super pissed when anyone is perfidious. Most find you incredibly sexy but refuse to admit it.
Well, I guess that's true to some point, I do believe I show my feelings, I show them very passionately I think, whatever.
Jurassitol, by Filter.

Begin song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K82DgzbYILw
End song.

The filming usually ends around 1:00 am, just in time for me to start my rampage. Night time is my time. I often come out the set with a sweet thing at my arm ready for partying, I've found TV land to be a great provider of girls willing to do anything for fame, just my cup of tea. They don't have much stamina though, a few drinks and shags and they're out cold, so I have to dump them and go looking for something more suitable. I make my rounds around the many night clubs, one has to keep in touch with one's underground contacts all the time, you know how it is, a shake of hands here, a little bribe there, all in a day's work. If you're wondering when I eat, I eat, my underhands and minions spread all around usually take care of that, I don't want to end up looking like an old washcloth like "him", all tired and undernourished, I take care of myself, even if I don't really need to, my "clone-ness" makes me stronger, faster, better, than mere human beings. Party after party, rump after rump, time passes and it's suddenly 7:00 am, if I feel like it, I'd continue at my place, invite friends over and the like, but most of the time I go home alone at 9:00 am or so, then go to sleep after reading a book or watching DVDs (most of the time is listening to music though), and then the whole cycle starts again around noon.
Wake me up when september ends, by Green Day.

Begin song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uj4qfCNQB6s
End song.

So that's the play by play, keep in mind that there are many things I do that I choose to keep quiet about, it's better if the fans don't find out about them, see, I care about your security, you should be grateful. All I'll say is that I often have to go on trips, my own personal "evil-arashi around asia" (and the rest of the world). The E-storm is coming. I've also haven't explained how this radio show gets aired... maybe I'll tell you some other time.

Cue: evil theme music.

Now that I look at it, my every day life isn't that much interesting, I'll have to do something about it. In the meantime, Jaa ne.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Contact evil matsujun at:
The crazy fangirling forum: just write your letter as reply on the corresponding thread. Or,
The love so sweet forum: same deal.
Maybe he'll get back to you.

Disclaimer: evil junstyle is a work of affectionate satire and should not be mistaken with the real thing. If you can't take the heat, get outta the kitchen

Comments.

*P_J types on her computer*: tra la la la....

*her cell phone rings a certain star wars ringtone*

P_J: aló, who's this and what do you want.

E-jun: P_J, it's me.... um... I know we haven't spoken for a while...

P_J: the understatement of the year.

E-jun: well... er.... you gotta do me a favor.

P_J: speak.

E-jun: go online and try to make yamapiggy forget there's an evil yamapi running around.

P_J: and why don't I paint the sky green while I'm at it... right?

E-jun: pretty pleaseeee....!!!! please please please, I'm on my hands and knees here, the evil-clone association is getting fuzzy and saying I've said too much already.

P_J:.... ugh.... fine... I'll try...

E-jun: all right, thanks, cheers mate... *hangs up*

*P_J feels sory for herself because of the situations she gets herself in*

P_J: you know what? the hell with it...

Yamapiggy, yes there is an evil yamapi, he's the naughtiest evil clone I've ever met, there's tons of other clones... I've only seen a few though...

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

A sexy evil voice says:

Because all good things must come in doubles.
Because all evilness need a voice to represent it.
Because I'm sick and tired of fluffy bubble-gum pop.
Because I can.
The other side of radio broadcasting.

This is the start of evil junstyle.
Cue: evil theme music.
-------------------------------------------------------------------

August 15, 2007. Wednesday.

Goddamnit, damn it all to hell!!!! After an almost 3-month absence, here I am again, I have to give it to the suits at GWLLG radio station, and by "give it" I mean props yo, not that other stuff you all pervs are thinking about, they still want me to do this show, even though I might not report at all, oh well, they knew what they were getting into by hiring me anyway, ne? Whatever, it wasn't my fault this time, I swear people, I've been on the lamb all this time due to certain miscalculations in my plans, I won't go into them cause it's... well.. damn right embarrassing, let's just say that "him" got away with it and doesn't even know it, the damned bastard, some people have all the luck, *spits* curse you matsumoto, curse you! *hits the mic*
The evil clone organization has been acting top notch with me though, I guess all the extensive work we've done for fast get-aways, covering of tracks and evidence-riddance has paid off, big time, my precious time spent as president was not in vain.
While going underground though, something I'm sure you all will find pretty amazing happened. I fell in love. Yes, I, mister "never get involved" fell in love, but don't fret my darlings, as of now, I'm back to my good old sexy self.
So now you're wondering: how did this happen? I'll make the story short:
There I was, an unbelievably erotic sculpture of a man, getting soaked wet under the rain, hiding out from the pigs, as I ran through the streets, parks, and buildings, straight to my second save house till, what do you know, when I get there, it's all turned into rumbles, it was like the aftermath of a bomb explosion, I stood dazed, a moment's blank stare, until I saw a figure running suspiciously away, it was obvious that was the culprit, so I followed, he'd have to pay in full for what he'd done to my save house! but now a little musical intermission to express how I felt at the time.
Piggy, by Nine Inch Nails.

Begin song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4NOYCzRzZIs
End song.

I chased, almost lost him, but eventually caught the bastard, which turned out to be a woman, it was "her".
What an encounter, ne? needless to say, I demanded retribution, she was sorry for the bomb explosion, which she said had been an accident, I told her she had to give me asylum for a few months, she accepted, now let me tell ya, this woman.. was THE most drool inducing human being I'd ever laid my eyes upon, luscious curves, fit muscles (she gave me hell chasing her), killer looks, hypnotic voice, in a nutshell, all the right stuff in all the right places. We got to know each other over the time I stayed at her place, she was a ball-busting, sharp-tongued, fast-thinking beauty, knowledgeable in all kinds of weapons, torture-methods, and so forth, well, she had to be in her line of work, of which I'm not going to talk about since I kind of cherish my existence. Anyway, as expected, she couldn't resist my charms, and we ended up having mind-blowing sexcapades all around. Now, without my realizing it, I had come to respect her, admire her, lust for her, need her, in that order. Can the need to see a person be called love? I've heard it described like that, "I need you", "my life is meaningless without you" and whatnot, I felt that every second that she wasn't there I might go mad from longing, and in the state I was, I didn't realize, she didn't act that way with me, she was fine when we were apart, almost too cool, but I took that as part of her charm.
Sanctified, by Nine Inch Nails.

Begin song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZvT1LCNPPQ
End song.

And now for the twist, it turned out she was actually keeping me busy in order to crack the evil clone organization open. I found some incriminating papers and put 2 + 2 together, what an idiot, to have left those papers where I could find them, so she wasn't the mastermind I thought she was, bitch. I felt rage overpowering me so I did what any evil clone would do in that situation, I burned everything down, burn it all to hell!!!!!! mwahahahahaha!!!!
With that one, now there's two major fires in the story of my life! I love it! ANARCHY!!!! YEAH!!!!!
That goddamned bitch, if I ever see her again she'll pay for what she did to me, over and over again! That's what you get for getting involved! love my ass! *punches the table* And now, tomato my producer slave tells me that a fan wrote to me a while ago asking about this same issue? lemme see that e-mail...
Aliyah wrote:
My dear Evil Matsujun,long time no see.
likewise precious
Being the king of the evil,you must have been around doing evil stuff.
you know it
I listened to you your show,one think got my attention though,imagining you the Master of Evil cooking!Ahah that's so funny.
I think it's fair to say my days in the kitchen are over though, if it wasn't for the knives and the explosion-potential of a microwave, you would never see me again inside one.
I have one question,when/if you succeed in your mission,are you going to settle down?Are you ever going to marry a girl(just one!!)?If so who would that be?

My mission is far from over as of now, as I said before, "him" is one lucky bastard, currently touring with his arashi buddies, utterly oblivious to my threats, but my day will come, mark my words, that fumbling idiot will one day stop pestering my life with his presence, and then I'll be the only one. Marriage? settling down? I spit on them. Such disgusting conventionalisms are for fools, not me. After the little "love" incident I just experienced I'm more than convinced, women are my playground, not my sanctuary. I shall once again devote myself to my fans, I'm so great it would be a crime to keep me locked down to just one girl, your e-mail, aliyah, has enlightened me, I have a deep connection with my fans, otherwise, how would you have know to ask something like that at the same time I was going through my ordeal?
Personal jesus, by Depeche Mode.

Begin song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ROPjV0LP7uo
End song.

Yes, I'm your personal jesus girls, you want sexual absolution? you want to experience religious climax? I'll lend you a hand, two legs, a torso, a long and hard... understanding ear you can tell all your secrets to, all night long. The church of evil matsujun is now open for business.

Cue: evil theme music.

I remembered I wished for my everyday life to be more interesting last show, I fucking take that back. See you when I see you.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Contact evil matsujun at:
The crazy fangirling forum: just write your letter as reply on the corresponding thread. Or,
The love so sweet forum: same deal.
Maybe he'll get back to you.

Disclaimer: evil junstyle is a work of affectionate satire and should not be mistaken with the real thing. If you can't take the heat, get outta the kitchen.


Comments.

.A sexy evil voice says:

Because all good things must come in doubles.
Because all evilness need a voice to represent it.
Because I'm sick and tired of fluffy bubble-gum pop.
Because I can.
The other side of radio broadcasting.

This is the start of evil junstyle
Cue: evil theme music.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

August 22, 2007. Thursday.

Get ready my darling listeners because tonight I come to you live not from the usual rat-infested shack at GWLLG radio, but from the world famous All Night Kinky bar! YES! They love me so much here they decided to throw me a welcome back party! lascivious atmosphere, fellow evil friends, but the best thing of all, the bar is open! all the alcohol we can drink for free! Alright!!! Let's get this mother started with some music!
Jump, by Madonna.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KwDjijmCm7U

live Yeah! make way for your president people! here I come! hi! *greetings and salutations* whazup! Long time no see! (who was that?) tomato, could you be so kind as to at least try to do an almost decent job tonight and not mess up with the cables and the mic feed? fucking moron...
Babe! looking good I see! *trice: all for you hot stuff* we'll "talk" later, mmmmyummy... damnit, tomato keep up...jeesh... My boy! how are you? *evil yamapi: hey! not as good as you are! I heard you were kinda sick or something? it doesn't look like that to me* high five my friend, thanks for helping me with "that thing" the other day *evil yamapi: no problemo bro, that's what we're here for* cool...
Well well well, the lovebirds finally show up in public! *DHG: hi e-jun! we had to come tonight! we're so happy you're back! Miyavi (kissing DHG cause he can't get enough of her): mmm..yea..mmhi..mmm..* yech, just go get a room you two, that's really putting me out...
*Girls: KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! evil jun!!!!!!!! we love you!!!!!!!!*
What's this? my fan club's been invited? all right! girls girls! come here! grab a number and wait for me over by the VIP room, I'll tend to all your needs tonight! You're lucky I'm feeling generous and I'll let you do whatever you want, but remember, if I get bored, I'm your evil master and you do as I say, got it? or else suffer the consequences! *girls: YES MASTER! KYAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!* attagirls...
And now, since we've made our way to the bar, yo! bartender! gimme...two scotchs on the rocks, actually, put them in one glass, and hold the rocks... ahh!! that sure hits the spot! yo! hit me again!... yoshaaa! again!...
Sandstorm, by Darude.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSYxT9GM0fQ

liveYou know, that's what I said but who listenz to me lately anyway...whateverz...let's dance a lil bit ne? come 'ere *grabs the girl he was holding* yeah... yossh *girl (with a deep voice): umm... but you do know I'm a guy right?* whaaa? shi... oh man... wait... thazit right? yahahaha!! gettit? oh man? yahahaha! nevermind I don't care as long as you dance... *guy: sure!* let it rip! *sounds of many people laughing and enjoying and dancing* yeahh!!! oe... who grabbed my ass?...
Oh! la la, by Goldfrapp.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NxONe7mTWU

liveAh! ah! ah! ah! ah! I'm coming... aaahhh!!! yes! who's next? grab your clothes dear, don't leave them around like that, someone might trip, go bring me more vodka *girl: yes master! kya!* eh? is that...? *gets up and walks* P_J! yo! P_J! *P_J: e-jun, so here you are at last, you know there's a new invention that's all the rage nowadays, it's called a cellphone...* eh? you're giving me attitude, after all this time? come on sweetz, don't be mean with me, I need tender lovin' care yaknow? *P_J: you really don't get it do you? I was worried! I thought you'd be found lying in some ditch somewhere all blue and bloated!* tsk! you know better than that snookums... iz that a tequila sunrise? *P_J: hey! don't drink my drinks!* ah... you sure like it strong... ahahahaha! forgive me already your highness, I'm hurtin' right now...*P_J: eh?* come 'ere and I'll tell ya... wow... you've brought yer vibrator collection? color me impressed... and a litlle intimidated...
Maneater, by Nelly Furtado.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2D6e9PfUoVE

livetell me, how the hell do normal people deal with thish? it's eatin' me up inshide, 'n not in the good way *P_J: I never thought I'd see the day... I'm baffled* ya know...lemme tell ya... thish fuckin' sucks ass... ya know, I read somewhere that "him" cried during the fukuoka concert, the last show? cause of some love trouble one of his pals got into? whathehell? that bastard! I hate him! noone cries fer me! even though I'm much better! more dangeroush, I mean, "yabai" my ass, "him" is as dangeroush as a glass of drinkable water, fuck! demo, I want someone to cry fer me P_J, oe, how come I'm not loved like "him" gimme another bottle! *P_J: just... oi! don't fall on the floor!...all right, up we go, yes...e-jun, you want more pussy? there's a lot more fangirls waiting for you, see? they love you! just don't drink anymore, even evil clones with superior physical ability have an alcohol limit* eeehhhh??? don't tell me wha to do!...mmm... ah'ight, two more fucks 'n then we crack the karaoke full blast, ne? mmm.. ok, four more...
Vivir sin aire, by Manà.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EpZdhAZyo_Q

liveyahhh!! 'ow did it go again? P_J! tell me! *P_J: pero no puedo, siento que muero, me estoy ahogando sin tu amor...* and wha it meaz? *P_J: but I can't, I feel like dying, I'm drowning without your love...* shhh..yeahshhh...thazit! don't tell neeone, ne? it would be the end o'my imash... a'man evil mastermind aftar all... *P_J: sure, whatever you say* but tha bisha! how could she? onna kisama! kuso! n' she was soooooo... hot... and cool... *cries* P_J! itai! my heart! sshhi... I didn't even know I had one! *P_J: all right all right, it will pass, daijobu daijobu, just let time heal your wounds, and please, for the love of all that is evil, stop getting so... trashed, you're getting pathetic now, and it's not cool* waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh *more cries* but ya still love me reight? you do? *P_J: yes, I still love you* yokattaaaa... *P_J: tomato, let's wrap it up, I'll take him home* eh... eh... anoo.... eh? the showsh? ah... hai!

Cue: evil theme music.

Tune in next week ya'll I *drops the mic* really... *P_J: right, next week, please forgive him for now, we're sorry, we're really sorry, he'll be back to normal next week, continue giving him your support, onegaishimasu, ja ne*

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Contact evil matsujun at:
The crazy fangirling forum: just write your letter as reply on the corresponding thread. Or,
The love so sweet forum: same deal.
Maybe he'll get back to you.

Disclaimer: evil junstyle is a work of affectionate satire and should not be mistaken with the real thing. If you can't take the heat, get outta the kitchen.


Comments.

A sexy evil voice says:

Because all good things must come in doubles.
Because all evilness need a voice to represent it.
Because I'm sick and tired of fluffy bubble-gum pop.
Because I can.
The other side of radio broadcasting.

This is the start of evil junstyle.
Cue: evil theme music.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

August 30, 2007. Thursday.

Good evening there! Welcome again to another edition of the best radio show you'll ever hear in your sorry life! This is evil matsujun ranting about whatever the mood strikes me at the moment with not even a glimpse of structure or any sense at all! YES! GO Anarchy! my muse, my all.
After last week's fiasco and my fall from grace in front of my beloved listeners, or so the people at GWLLG radio and ANK bar tell me, cause I don't remember anything midway the live show, I feel like quoting a certain gaijin movie: "frankly my dear, I don't give a damn". That's right, I've had it up to here, serves me right for falling for the gruesome trap that is a "relationship", fuck them all I say, and I intend to, you can bet your sweet ass my beautiful fangirls that are listening to me, ahhh... how I adore a devoted following... *long and hard kissing noise* that should keep you all wet for the moment, my little fan-service for the night.
I touch myself, by Divinyls.

Begin song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxesIxgMX28
End song.

Now... ahem! well, it seems that my following has decreased... I... don't know what to say to whomever is listening then, but, my sincerest apologies, and, whatever... fuck off, I don't need you, I have myself, and that's more than enough! Only one letter I have received, and that is from, dear dear Aliyah, who wrote:

Damn you! Gotta love the hotness coming out everything that's YOU, my dear Evil Matsujun! Even you're sexy voice
Thank you my precious fan, the only one left... *snif* your words reach me.

What's up with your "love" for "him" who turns out to be a "her"??!!Phfff ,don't make me laugh, have you watched to much Coffee Prince?
Eh? your words reach me... *angry* like daggers to my evil soul!!!! what are you trying to do? kill me?!?!! That horrible mental image is going to haunt my dreams forever now! thank you soooo much, you traitor!!! how could you think that the "her" I talked about was "him" eh? EH? what the hell?!?!! The only fan I had left is not even listening to the show properly!!! ACK! why, why is this world so against me? what have I done wrong? other than unspeakable acts of evil and the constant cursing of all that is good?! AAAHHHHH *hits the mic* KUSOOO!!!! but never mind, yes, this is actually good, it's a much needed reminder of the impending change that I must bring to society, I must change it to fit me, it's the only way.

Anyway do not worry, I think you have a lot of crazy fans who must have took care of her.
Well, as tonight's show demonstrates... there's no crazy fans left to "take care of her" but nevertheless, it wouldn't have worked, "her" is a very dangerous woman, even if a fan managed to miraculously get a hold of her whereabouts, the fan would be erased from the face of this earth in a heartbeat, damn... I still respect the bitch's murderous abilities.

Speaking of this here's my question of the week, don't you think that playing around with all those fangirls and teaching them so much evil things, one day one of them would take place as the King (Queen) Of Evilness?
Are you scared Evil Matsujun?
Not at all, the more the merrier I say. Crazy fangirls already have an evil vein inside their hot little bodies, if one of them happened to rise from her former pitiful self and become the "queen of evilness" I'd say good for her and make a toast, before she's overthrowned by the next queen or king of evilness that is, cause, here's a little tidbit you may not know, there's a new evil rising every week, they all fight for total control, but those inside power- struggles never affect me because, as many others, my evilness is currently directed to a very specific target, and you all know what that is: the destruction of "him". After that objective is accomplished, I can't dream of anything more.
Aenema, by Tool.

Begin song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uCEeAn6_QJo
End song.

So, tomato has kindly informed me that today is "him"s birthday, news that have served tomato a well deserved hanging upside down in my wheel of torture, a certain mechanical device I acquired not so long ago while visiting the 2007 S&M world convention that coincidently was held here in Japan this year. Well... *sarcastic tone of voice* congratulations to him ne... tanjoubi omedetou ne... MY ASS!!!! I hope to satan he's crying right now from overwork, boredom, and loneliness!!! I hope he's suffering from inanition! he's on his way there anyway thanks to Johnny-san, who smartly keeps his JEs hungry and dangerously thin so that they can't overtake him, the dirty old man. No birthday cake for you, matsumoto! Ha!
You know, I have a small amount of respect for the old fart, probably because I don't work for him, but anyway, he's managed to create an amazing evil company to take over the world with, one so open in its objective that the common people just can't see it clearly, he takes advantage of his male harem, in more than one way, works them till their bones show, charges incredible amounts of money for the crappy merchandise, and slowly but surely, extends his evil tako clutches all around the japanese entertainment industry, thus making him, and his descendants, incredibly powerful. My hat is off to you J, but just on that fact, cause Hell knows, if you ever try again to get you filthy hands on me, you, your descendants, and you whole company will suffer like you never thought was even possible in this lifetime.
And the JEs, you ask? can't they stand up for themselves? please, when you sell your soul to the devil there's no going back, freedom and creativity in exchange for fame and unoriginality, that's the contract they sign, they know it full well. Plus all the psychological damage they carry around makes them spiritual cripples, like every other celebrity in the world. See, this is another reason why I despise "him", all that fake goody two-shoes image he and his arashi buddies present, like we don't know they are just like any other guy in the world: dirty, slow-minded wusses. Except for me and the other male clones of course, WE are another race, a better race, WE don't need the J-jimusho machine to make us succeed in life, "WE really can make it" on our own. Suck on that JE bitches!

Cue: evil theme music.

And on that note, I leave you once again, in search for my own happiness. See you all in Hell.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Contact evil matsujun at:
The crazy fangirling forum: just write your letter as reply on the corresponding thread. Or,
The love so sweet forum: same deal.
Maybe he'll get back to you.

Disclaimer: evil junstyle is a work of affectionate satire and should not be mistaken with the real thing. If you can't take the heat, get outta the kitchen.

Comments.

Note from the transcriber: from now on, whenever there's a special guest star on Evil Junstyle, for the sake of clear understanding, I will write what they say in bold text.
*************************************************

A sexy evil voice says:

Because all good things must come in doubles.
Because all evilness need a voice to represent it.
Because I'm sick and tired of fluffy bubble-gum pop.
Because I can.
The other side of radio broadcasting.

This is the start of evil junstyle.
Cue: evil theme music.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------


September 07, 2007. Friday.

Another week passes by, and it's one embarrassing event after the other, lady luck is not on my side lately.
Hello and welcome to another episode of Evil Junstyle, hosted by GWLLG radio, sponsored by ANK bar. Your host evil mastujun speaking from the pits of hell, one that I cannot digest, accept or even imagine, what hell is that, you ask? I will tell you: Kids Hell. Yech! children, I despise them maybe even more than "him", and that's saying a lot. Because I didn't feel like doing this show without some support, and because tomato my producer, as you all know by now, is as useful a piece of devil's food cake at a weight-watchers meeting, I have brought a special guest to appear on the show tonight, say hi to the listeners yo, zzup, yoroshiku onegaishimasu... Yes, he's here, and not because I need moral support but because he and I shared the experience we're about to relate to you tonight, a very bizarre experience, one that yo, don't you think we should tell them who I am, in case they don't recognize my voice?, oh, yeah, you're right, he's my kouhai in evilness, evil yamapi... damn, senpai, I wanted a cooler introduction, you really don't put any effort when it comes to other people do you? gomen... anyway, here's the thing, if I'm going to be appearing on your show, I want a new name, cause you're e-jun, ne, but "evil yamapi" still sounds lame to me, I want a cooler name yo. Ok then, let's think about this... your "original"s name is yamashita right, but because of his very suspiciously special relationship with the color Pink, he's known as yama-pi, right?... right, since I don't have that relationship, the color pink shouldn't even be mentioned near my name, ever. Aha, well, what's your favorite color?... black, of course, then how about yama-bi?... Mmmmm, sure, that works for me, yamabi it is, plus, the letter b is like an upside down p, which subconsciously reinforces the fact that you are an evil clone... oookkk.. if you say so... happy now? ureshii , good, then, as I was saying, we had a very bizarre experience this week, we were walking down the street, minding our own business, when, out of nowhere, this kid comes running at us, yelling "papa, papa", imagine our surprise, not mine though, I know I've left a number of offspring spread around everywhere ok, ok, imagine my surprise then, jeez, at this filthy creature clinging to my pants.
Ein lama in yokohama, by Schnappi.

Begin song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZP1W-YT_aM
End song.

Turned out to be the kid of some demented single mother that wanted to shag me, but didn't know how to go about it, so, when she saw us walking near her house, she said to the kid "there goes your father" and he snapped and ran to us, by now, I'm feeling so disgusted with the kid I'm starting to forget the woman altogether, and that's where I got the idea, just to spite you e-jun, to have our own mago mago arashi episode... let there be no doubt, yamabi is one evil bastard. Hahahahaha!!! so let's say it together:
Kodomo no Yabai Bangohan begins!
We went to the mad woman's apartment, I fucked her good, and the bitch had the nerve to immediately go away and leave us to babysit the kid and his three other siblings, if it had been up to this guy, we would have left right then and there ne, yeah, damned children, but I was in need of a good laugh yo, so I made him stay, and there I was, drowning in uncomfortable silence, face to face with four, count them, FOUR little monsters... and that's when it hit me, we should make dinner for them, so I go to the fridge to check out what food there is, and the kids, sensing danger coming from e-jun I suppose, followed me, and as I was left alone for a moment, what was there left for me to do than search for any valuables around the apartment ne, I mean, it's only fair, right? who in their right mind would babysit for free? so that's what you were doing... I wondered what all that noise was, the kids didn't say anything? nope, they seemed, actually, quite used to the situation, no wonder ne, what more is there to hope from, with a mother like that... I guess so, anyway, I wasn't going to cook for the little dwarfs anyway, yeap, I figured that, and I don't know how to cook, so I thought we should send them to the nearest convenience store to buy bento boxes, right? right, so we give each one a fair amount of money, and tell them it's a race, and the kid that comes back the quickest gets a prize, hilarious! anyway, the neighborhood, as you may have guessed, wasn't that much of a good one to begin with, so, after the kids are gone, we make our bets, which one is going to be bullied by the local gang, which one gets tricked on the bento box and pays more than the original price, and so on and so forth.
Un Monde Parfait, by Ilona Mitrecey.

Begin song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c69PQp-GO2w
End song.

And then, I'm disappointed, cause, each one of the kids came back with a bento, safe and sound, the littlest one even got a sweet treat for free, said it was a gift from the obaachan at the store... what is wrong with this world I ask! when kids can roam around unharmed infecting their surroundings with cuteness! you know e-jun, I really don't get your kodomo-phobia, cause I would understand if it was because you, as I am, are a clone that never actually had a childhood, but I don't have that unhealthy hatred towards kids, I don't need to be understood, all I want is to be followed blindly, and another thing, I've always wanted you to explain to me your obsession with eliminating your original, it's so weird, all the other clones are fine with our status yo, I actually like, and take advantage when people confuse me with yamapi, stop trying to psychoanalyze me yamabi, oh! I just remembered! did you know that matsujun also doesn't like kids? maybe you're not his exact opposite after all and you have more things in common than you first thought! Stop it right there, it's not good for you, for many reasons, you get my drift? eh... wakatta, gomen ne... So, the kids, right, the kids, since no one won the race, but they still wanted a prize, the demanding creeps, I got the idea to hide a razor blade inside one of the bentos, I hid it in a croquette, and waited enthusiastically for the lucky one to bite it ne, but it turned out none of the kids liked croquettes, so no one ate it! Hahahahaha!! the look on your face e-jun-kun! it was priceless! laugh all you can now yamabi, laugh all you can, mark my words, this is not the end of this.
Caramelldansen.

Begin song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UX6e7sO1ss0
End song.

God I'm tired, remembering all this is draining my evil energy, ettoo, if you're feeling down, we could catch up on the latest porn movie I starred in, I need to check if they did the lighting I wanted I'll watch some porn at home, but not yours, you piece of shit, eh! no need to insult me yo! I'm your guest tonight, remember? guest! *sighs* fine fine, how delicate, but you're still my kouhai in evil so, get use to my verbally abusing you from time to time, got it? whatever you say, senpai, Anyway, to wrap things up, the mother came home, we left, and that was that, you're forgetting the "cherry on top" so to speak, at the end, e-jun was a hit with the kids, they cried when he left and all Ack! don't speak such profanity on my show! me? liked by kids? it's the end of the world! and I still have a lot of evil to do!! but it's true! you taught them the right way to drink alcohol, introduced them to the wonderful world of cigarettes, it was inspiring to watch! well, I had to keep myself busy, otherwise I would have gone mad with them jumping all over me.
So that was the story people, let's thank the special guest, yamabi, for helping to narrate all those painful memories *claps* thank you, thank you, I had a fun time, let's do this again, we'll see, in the meantime...

Cue: evil theme music.

This is evil matsujun saying goodbye, and pointing out an interesting little fact, this was my 13th show, how apropos, the unlucky number. Ja ne.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Contact evil matsujun at:
The crazy fangirling forum: just write your letter as reply on the corresponding thread. Or,
The love so sweet forum: same deal.
Maybe he'll get back to you.

Disclaimer: evil junstyle is a work of affectionate satire and should not be mistaken with the real thing. If you can't take the heat, get outta the kitchen.


Comments.

A sexy evil voice says:

Because all good things must come in doubles.
Because all evilness need a voice to represent it.
Because I'm sick and tired of fluffy bubble-gum pop.
Because I can.
The other side of radio broadcasting.

This is the start of evil junstyle.
Cue: evil theme music.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

September 14, 2007. Friday.

What is it about a good story, I wonder. Evil Matsujun speaking once again live from what is now known as the subversive wing of GWLLG radio station, yes folks, people inside the business are talking about us, behind our backs, naturally, no one has enough balls to face me, just the way I like it. Be afraid you puny humans, be very afraid. Tonight's topic of conversation is... movies and tv.
And the chain of events goes as follows: I was re-watching Hana Yori Dango the other day, merely because I like to see "him" suffering, crying and acting like the huge baka that he is, when something caught my eye, on episode 2, when what's her name, that hot rich chick that wanted to marry tsukasa, went to visit tsukushi for the first time and stayed over to sleep... scene which, by the way, could have been a fountain of perv enjoyment for all straight male watchers had the producers decided to hint at the lesbian possibilities which they of course didn't, but I digress, anyway, yes, the first sleep-over, tsukushi was wearing a white t-shirt that read "The Rocky Horror Show", well, I was floored, to say the least, how did I not see this before? I asked myself, maybe I was distracted by my desire for lesbian innuendo, who knows, the thing is, I saw it this time around.
And I'll tell you the importance of this, The Rocky Horror Show, in case you didn't know, is one of the greatest theater shows ever created! nothing to do with a certain boxer you all know, and all to do with goth perverted aliens having sex with innocent earthlings. It's a lovely tale about, sex, drugs and rock and roll. The movie, called "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" is a halloween classic, with a devoted cult following, including myself you see, because, there's also the story of a clone there, not a perfect clone like myself, but one of the firsts, un-polished clones, a clone that was made to be used as a sex toy, which reminds me of my early days of existence. To illustrate this subject, here goes a medley of some of the good music that can be heard on the rocky horror show:
Time warp/sweet transvestite, the rocky horror show.

Begin song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4fKG0fcogg
End song.

Ah! yes! anyway, the movie is a must-see, Tim Curry's best performance, of maybe his entire career, and you have to check out a young Susan Sarandon, there's no better janet, in my humble opinion. Which brings me to another point, there's just no guts anymore, in the movie-making industry, it's all about political correctness nowadays, a movie like the rocky horror picture show would have never been made in this day and age, thank god for the good old days when people did what they wanted regardless of ratings, of what "concerned parents" would say or whatever, I mean, if you expect to have the TV and movies teach your kids about life, you don't deserve to be called a parent in the first place, you lazy jackass, pft! sure you want what's best for your kids, you want them to grow up in a clean environment, but let me tell you this, if they grow up in a bubble, they won't be able to deal with real life in the future! just like the stupid obsession of disinfecting everything around kids, if they don't get dirty and sick, they won't develop the needed antibodies to keep their bodies healthy! a little bit of exposure to sex and violence is always good, hehehehe, you could take those chances to guide your kids to be healthy adults, I don't have ulterior motives when I say this, believe me, it's all good in the end for me, cause if today's kids grow up to be stupid adults, it would be easier for me to take over the world.
What is it about a good story? I wonder. That it reflects the inner turmoils of the human psyche, that it transcends cultural barriers, or even time barriers, I guess that's why there's not that many good stories to begin with, those are difficult objectives to achieve, and if you have censorship breathing down your neck, there's just no way. But there's still hope, when a book, or comic, is later made into a movie, because books and comics are sadly not that universal today, but happily, because of that, there's more freedom to be had there, authors can explore whatever they want and the puritanical public eye won't become outraged with what they read. let's face it, people today can't be bothered to read. Now, I say comics are not universal today, but here in Japan, the case is different, we revel in the quantity of manga that we can make, mangas are a part of our everyday life, and because of that, there's all kinds of offers story-wise to be found. Such as Hana Yori Dango, a manga that had its sex and violent moments, which were cut mercilessly from the various tv versions made.
An example of a good story made into a good movie is "Fight Club", as always, there's really no comparison between a book and its movie version, but in this case, each one is like a universe in its own, therefore, both are good stories, the movie also enjoys a kick ass soundtrack, of which the following song belongs to, by one of the last masterful musicians left:
Goin out west, by Tom Waits.

Begin song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0-KhvrGwCU
End song.

Stick it to the man, that's always good advise, plus, if you can get a few punches out of it, even better. Ahh!! the good old days, when the last temptation of christ was a kick in everyone's family jewels. The funny thing is, as much as we may have "advanced" today, as a society, there's still hypocritical views of the world going around, we may be jaded in some areas yet we still clamor for "cleanness" in others, like how scientists have confirmed that homosexuality is common among animals, there's nothing to it, no "threat" to reproduction of the species or anything like that, yet still, humans think it's unnatural, against nature; give me a break. And some would say: "but religion tells us this and that"... this is one thing I agree with communism, religion is the opium of the masses. Religion has nothing to do with faith anyway. If you don't go to church, that doesn't mean you're not a believer. But, I digress again. Movies is what I was talking about. In fact, and here comes the last point I was going to make, I really hope that the people currently working on the Hana Yori dango movie don't wuss out and include some much needed sex scenes, I know the fans want them, the fans need them, the fans deserve them. And as much as the thought of watching "him" simulate having sex with the lovely mao-chan on screen repulses me, I'd be willing to overlook it, just because of the greater good, that is, to bring back healthy sex and violence! Enough of lame-assed movies and tv dramas! I want a good story! No more no-sex Hana Kimi, which, by the way, was a huge disappointment for me, and let's be truer to the originals! Teenagers have sexual desires, they won't go away if you don't show them on tv people! but it all has to be made using a good story as base, sex just for the hell of it is good for me, but not for common human beings, violence just for the sake of violence is boring and stupid.

Cue: evil theme music.

And now we come to the end of this show, let us all pray for quality movies and tv, so that they may rise from mediocrity and be ready for my entrance.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Contact evil matsujun at:
The crazy fangirling forum: just write your letter as reply on the corresponding thread. Or,
The love so sweet forum: same deal.
Maybe he'll get back to you.

Disclaimer: evil junstyle is a work of affectionate satire and should not be mistaken with the real thing. If you can't take the heat, get outta the kitchen.

Comments.

A sexy evil voice says:

Because all good things must come in doubles.
Because all evilness need a voice to represent it.
Because I'm sick and tired of fluffy bubble-gum pop.
Because I can.
The other side of radio broadcasting.

This is the start of evil junstyle.
Cue: evil theme music.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

September 28, 2007. Thursday.

Here I am, to rock your world like it's never been rocked before. Evil Matsujun to the rescue! I shall try to save all of you dear listeners from the clutches of horrid pop music, with my base at GWLLG radio and with the help of ANK bar at your service. I've realized that lately I've been talking about a lot of stuff but have neglected the original purpose of this show, that is, to fight the good fight against pop music. Why, oh, why must pop music be so crappy? it's one of the mysteries of the universe, that and the fact that people chew it up like bubblegum, therefore the name I guess, people have told me that one must not swallow bubblegum because normal human bodies cannot digest it correctly, that it takes an abnormal amount of time for gastric juices to dissolve it, that even outside the human body, chewed bubblegum take as much a period of time to disintegrate as regular plastic, in other words, it's not good for nature, it's not good for humans, it's simply not good. Just like pop music. But there it is, being offered to gullible costumers who take it like it's air to their lungs. Do we need more JE boybands? the answer is a definite NO, but they keep debuting, they keep popping up like some sort of disease, the latest, Hey!Say!, with who knows how many band members, I can't even be bothered to look it up, *sighs* Now I need some good rock music to balance.
Rock is dead, by Marilyn Manson.

Begin song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=syrrhcq3aMw
End song.

I guess JEs need to keep themselves young and fresh, otherwise the public loses interest in them, a clever plan to enslave every generation of japanese women, some men, and a few gaijin so that they keep wasting their money in useless merchandise for the rest of their sorry lives. But alas! I have a confession to make: I, evil matsujun, am jaded. Because that same old "I've heard this before" feeling keeps showing its ugly head in front of me, even with rock music, the mediocrity spread, to j-rock, to all rock. There comes a point when everything starts to sound exactly the same, and I get bored. Well, it's really not surprising, given that true original bands and musicians are a dime a dozen, and all the rest are mere downgraded copycats. But what scares me the most, is the fact that, not only rock is starting to sound the same everywhere, but that it's starting to lose what makes it a separate type of music altogether, what with all those rock/rap mixes that nobody cares about but keep being produced, or what I've noticed lately: there's not even manly voices singing anymore, all rock singers are starting to sound like little whiny girls! not even the sexy female voices like that chick from evanescence, but like the nasal falsetto that "him" sings with!! what the hell?!?! I want to hear a man's voice! not a little boy crying for his mamma to bring him more cookies! those type of voices really piss me off! They shouldn't even exist in pop music!
And let's not even go into the matter of lyrics, because it's just not worthy, there's no feeling anymore, just vain "boo-hoo my privilege life is sooo boring" crap that nobody with a brain can take seriously. You want to hear good rock, with good meaningful lyrics? check out this next song.
Parabola, by Tool.

Begin song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RiV_ue-PbL4
End song.

What is the solution? I have none, because, damn it, I sing just like "him". I'll just continue to search for quality in the sea of shit that is rock, and pop, music today, and wait for the next real artist to emerge, it may not even happen in my lifetime but whatever, I won't lose hope just yet. Maybe, it's how Marylin Manson says and rock is dead after all, only the future can tell.

Cue: evil theme music.

Another show gone, another rant over, we'll see if I can find a topic to talk about the next time, otherwise, it's gonna be a long time until you hear from me again, ja.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Contact evil matsujun at:
The crazy fangirling forum: just write your letter as reply on the corresponding thread. Or,
The love so sweet forum: same deal.
Maybe he'll get back to you.

Disclaimer: evil junstyle is a work of affectionate satire and should not be mistaken with the real thing. If you can't take the heat, get outta the kitchen.

Comments.

A sexy evil voice says:

Because all good things must come in doubles.
Because all evilness need a voice to represent it.
Because I'm sick and tired of fluffy bubble-gum pop.
Because I can.
The other side of radio broadcasting.

This is the start of evil junstyle.
Cue: evil theme music.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

December 27, 2007. Thursday.

Welcome once more to Evil Junstyle, your source for all that is evil in the music industry, also known as all that is actually good, because let's face it, vanilla can only go so far, but spice lasts a lifetime. Once again you're hearing the smoothest most sexy voice you'll ever hear, mine, Evil Matsujun speaking to you in what is in all probability the last show of Evil Junstyle this year, and because the future is uncertain, and I like to keep it that way, it makes life more exciting, I don't know if I'll be back next year. Never count on an evil guy like myself to commit to anything, other than my personal vendetta against "him".
It's that time of the year again, when everybody goes fucking crazy over santa, reindeers, gifts, xmas lights and whatnot, I, like any worthy representative of the evil empire, have been wearing only black, piss and smoke on people's faces when I ride the train, sabotage xmas decorations with a little fire here and there, etc., etc., etc., I really don't get why the japanese like it so much, I mean, those who are actually christian, sure, can celebrate or whatever, but the rest? come on! how does a religious celebration become fashion? the thing to do because it's "in"? And where oh where does it state that you have to spend christmas time with your love on a sappy, corny, cheesy, puke-inducing date?
You might say that I'm bitter or something, don't get me wrong, I can get a date just by twisting my crafty fingers, and you all know I don't do "love", not anymore that is, it just pisses me off all this good will towards everyone crap, the world is a cesspool filled with hypocrites that tomorrow will go back to their back-stabbing ways, as it should be, but if your going to do it anyway you might as well be honest about it, damn it! enough with the love thy neighbor shit! Just be a scrooge, be a grinch, and be damned proud of it!
Hurry xmas, by L'arc en ciel.

Begin song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MduswGk-JLE
End song.

Yes, hurry xmas please, let it be over fast, let it pass like a bandage ripped in one painful go and be done with it, I can't take it for long, this time of year is so trying for me, dear listeners, you have no idea. The only good thing about all the festivities is, you guessed it, the alcohol, sweet sweet booze, let it flow through my veins and fuel my evil soul like not even blood can do! Bring me vodka, tequila, pisco, caçaza, whiskey, whatever you got! red wine I'll take, but don't give me white wine, that's for sissies, and don't even get me started on rosè. Fuck! I'll even drink Baileys! I wanna get so plastered I can't see the decorations at all!
Yesterday, watching tv, I saw a show where this spoiled brat was telling the camera all the useless toys he asked for this year, when the interviewer commented "isn't it too much for just you?" the kid responded with a smut "of course not", see, that's what xmas has been degenerated into, snotty little worms who actually think they're all that and who govern over their parents like tyrants. Fuck the kids. I wish that little rat's mother will next year keep close score of all the disobedient things the kid will do so that when xmas time comes again and he gets all excited about the presents she'll bring out the list and tell him with a solemn voice: "You were so bad you got -50 points, santa will bring you nothing this year. See, he even signed the deal." and she'll show him a signature, in blood, where santa says: I hereby declare that so and so is not worthy of anything. Ha! That'd be sweet!
You know what else is sweet? fan mail! dear MakinoLove wrote to me saying:
Dear EJ, I'm deeply in love with your shows, you are so the DoS of radio shows I think you should give "him" some lessons, he use to be like you once but then he got love sick over Mao-chan and that ended...I think...but I've noticed in concerts that when he sings his solo part the rock star image really suits him I just wanted to know your thoughts on his "tell me what you wanna be" solo.
-Your Evil loving Fan-
Rock star image you say? with the lilac bedazzled pants and jacket? the mock pirate pinkish bandana? the half-assed attempts at being 1/12 as sexy as I can be just getting out of the shower? and the whiny voice that can make the brat I talked about earlier whither in pain on the floor? gimme a break, HA! I'll admit the actual tune has its rock moments, not all of it mind you, it still sounds like fluffy pop arashi most of the time, and I'll give kudos to the guitar guy trying desperately to keep his cool in an arashi concert, which in itself is no small feat, but "him"? please, all that smooching the camera-tongue licking-pulling out hand glove with teeth-lying on the floor-weird dancing is nothing compared to what I can do with a knife and a fig at lunch time. So you say "him" was as DoS as I am but then he fell in love... well... there you go, another reason for my not doing the "love" thing, it just ruins everything, it turns men into mushy puppy eyed tako who get excited over sakura viewing, sweet cakes, and gift wrapping, yech.
Well folks, the new year approaches and it's time for me to reflect on this past year, my first year of existence.
I was born from a machine, was in two major fires that played havoc all around, developed a well-oiled evil empire, made connections all around the underworld, became a band manager, and was fired, tried my hand at acting as body double, got my evil heart broken and began the long road to getting rid of "him" successfully. Everything is on its merry way to achieve success! The next year is looking good for me! Wish me luck!
My xmas present? the knowledge that "him" spent this time getting his ass frozen while filming the hidden fortress movie, suffer matsujun! suffer!
Everyday is exactly the same, by NIN.

Begin song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KGvt8GngX9k
End song.

Awesome song, but here's hoping that next year won't be as boring as the lyrics say... Mwahahahaha! I cum to the end of this show with another NIN song, how apropos, this year was filled with crap music but a few jewels shone here and there which means there's still hope for it all, I won't become so jaded that I can't see that much. The good fight against JE enterprises will continue, I promise, I won't let them get their sticky hands on all the power that is meant to be mine!
I'd like to take this opportunity to thank the All Night Kinky Bar for sticking with me through the good and the bad times, I owe you money, and you will never see it.
To GWLLG radio station and my producer: stupid Tomato, for giving me this space to vent all my anger.
To my close friends, yamabi and princess_jime, for allowing me to be as I am, and encouraging me to follow my evil dreams.
And to my dear fans, thank you for your continuos support, your willingness to do all I command you to do, for being the sultry sex goddesses and slaves you've all been to me, for allowing me to make you see the light and show you what a true orgasm is.
Thank you all.

Cue: evil theme music.

The last show of Evil Junstyle 2007 has come to an end. I somewhat wish it had been more special, but whatever, like I care that much... hahaha! We may or may not hear from each other next year, we'll see what happens, in the meantime, Sayonara, keep your evilness alive and have wet dreams of me every night.
Evil Matsujun signs off.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Contact evil matsujun at:
The crazy fangirling forum: just write your letter as reply on the corresponding thread. Or,
The love so sweet forum: same deal.
Maybe he'll get back to you.

Disclaimer: evil junstyle is a work of affectionate satire and should not be mistaken with the real thing. If you can't take the heat, get outta the kitchen.

Comments.

And as a last gift for this year, a pic provided by my senpai, sakura_kw, hehehe:

-"What?"
-"Why is my reflection moving on its own?"
-"I'll get you one day, just watch..."




All hail evil matsujun.